Losing A Friend The Hard Way

A few months ago my college roommate came to mind. He was larger than life, almost literally. He was 6’5” against my 5’8” frame and we were the most unlikely pair to room together, but somehow it worked. We had lively conversations and a lot of fun times. He was the fast-talking guy from Chicago and I was the fiery guy from Texas…good memories. I was in his wedding a few years ago, and then I saw him again years later when my wife and I traveled to his area for a family reunion. Then life happened…kids, work, church…and we lost touch. My wife and I both said, “Wonder what Mike is up to?” All the phone numbers I had wouldn’t work and he wasn’t on social media. My wife googled his name and we were shocked at what we found…his obituary. As we did more research we found not only had he passed away several years ago, but he had taken his own life. What?? I felt a range of emotions from sadness to regret. How could this have happened? Why didn’t we stay in touch? Is there something I could have said or done to prevent this?

The world has been shocked over the last several months with the deaths of certain celebrities at their own hands, most recently, Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade. A recent article in Vogue magazine revealed that Gisele Bundchen, the top model in the world and wife to the famous quarterback Tom Brady, had seriously contemplated taking her own life. How can three of the most successful people, by the world’s standards, find life so hard they would feel better off not living it? According to the American Suicide Prevention Association, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States. Over the last 20 years, the rate of suicides has risen 25 percent. We seemingly have the most technology, most connection to one another, the most “stuff”, yet can’t fill the emptiness in our lives.

My focus for this blog isn’t for the person that has a medical struggle with depression, though I think some of the tips can help. My purpose is to encourage people that deal with difficulties, struggles, and “run of the mill” depression, to understand that there are real reasons for their lives and how to make the most of them. Don’t get me wrong, Christians can be just as susceptible to depression or thoughts of despair just like everyone else. However, there is a difference. Jesus can fill the hole in our lives. In full disclosure, I have had struggles and difficulties like everyone else. I have gone through dark periods in life that make me pause. We all do!

A recent Hallmark movie had a story about a young man that was moving out on his own and had nothing. He met an older gentleman that was just about in the same position. The younger questioned the older how he was able to keep moving on. His reply? Everyone has at least ten things to thank the Good Lord for every single day, things as simple as being able to see a sunrise and the ability to walk. With that being said, let me give you four reasons why your life matters:

1. We are made in the image of God. We have been uniquely crafted by our Creator. We have thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. We have the wonderful privilege to have a personal relationship with Him. You have been given an individual talent or talents to be used to the best of your ability for you and for others. You may have the ability to serve or bring laughter to people, as an example. How boring life would be if we could all do the same things and were identical to the neighbor next door. You are unique in that nobody has had your same life experiences. You have taken that walk of life individually and can use that as an example and wisdom for others.
2. We need to let that stuff go. Unfortunately, we feel the need to compare ourselves to others. In an age of so-called “social media success,” it is easy to get bogged down in the idea that we can’t measure up to everyone else. I have said it time and again that social media only gives the highlights of people’s lives that are out there for display. In truth, these same people have the same pains, hurts, heartbreaks, that we all experience. First thing to do: Let those feelings of not measuring up or inadequacy compared to others go. Look in the mirror and see a person that is loved by the Creator of the Universe. Second, some of the most intimate times with God come at our lowest points. There are tons of examples in Scripture where God takes extreme difficulties or tragedies and makes something wonderful out of a seemingly impossible situation. In fairness, it is difficult to see this sometimes when we are experiencing it. However, God is always faithful and Sovereign.
3. We were meant for community and fellowship. It is extremely important to have people in our lives to share, minister, and hold us accountable. As the book of Philippians shows us there is no “go it alone” Christianity. We are part of the Body of Christ and we all have a part and role. If you don’t have a church home, fellowship group, or place of worship, make it a top priority. You should be able to follow other believers that have had the same problems, hurts, and pains you struggle with. We have tons of examples from the Bible where such stalwarts as King David to Job struggled with immense pain and terrible loss. Yet, each of these men had fellow friends, advisors, and a loving God by their side. The point is we are never alone.
4. Finally, make sure we are consistently re-examining ourselves. That means we are in the Word daily, having a consistent prayer time, and making sure there isn’t unconfessed sin that can contribute to our problems. This can be anything from poor lifestyle choices (drugs or alcohol abuse) to unhealthy relationships. A great way to be consistent in this area is to have a close friend, spouse or relative as an accountability partner. This person should be able to keep your thoughts and feelings in confidence and be a good listener, but also make us answerable for our behavior and lives. In full transparency, too often when I feel depressed or overwhelmed in my life, I am dwelling on myself and not relying on God to see me through any circumstance. He is always in control.

In the great Christmas movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” the premise of the story is about a man, George Bailey, that finds himself in a seemingly desperate life situation. An angel was sent to show him how his life had impacted all those around him and how God had a plan for each of us.  The angel, Clarence, poses the question to Mr. Bailey on why he would throw away God’s gift of life. Mr. Bailey finally realizes how important life is no matter the circumstance. He discovered that his most treasured possessions were his family and friends.

We live in a world that doesn’t value life. However, in a Christian world-view, your life is very important to God. He loved you and me so much He chose to come to earth as a man and lay down His life for us. The Bible teaches that each of us are beautifully and wonderfully made and all have a purpose for our lives. I wish my friend, Mike, would have embraced this truth. I do not know what was in his mind that dark day that he took his own life, but God does. I hope and pray that he was a believer in Jesus Christ, but I honestly don’t know. This discovery has caused me to have a quickening of my spirit to be intentional with people, because there are obviously many people hurting and we don’t even know it. Never forget that your life always matters and you are never alone!