Six Words No Parent Wants To Hear

Every parent wants what is best for their child. We strive to provide, educate, and prepare them for what life challenges they may face. However, sometimes surprises do happen. At a recent conference, the speaker described the following scenario that happened to him:

“I met a friend for coffee in a panic last week. He had just helped move his daughter into the dorm six weeks earlier at her college. He received a phone call from her and she stated she loved her classes and history especially. However, she also said,” I don’t believe in God anymore.” Where did it all go wrong?”

This scenario plays out more often than you think today. Social experts say we now live in a multicultural post-Christian country. According to the Barna report, 70-75% of kids walk away from their faith after high school. Awaiting them at college, according to another study, are at least 50% of professors that identify as atheist. In addition, kids are bombarded with more information than ever before regardless of truthfulness.

The reasons kids walk away from their faith is really three-fold. One, I think the church has veered away from the discipleship programs of the past. I remember growing up with the essentials of the faith as a young boy. Participation in Bible drills to Scripture memorization was a huge part of my early years.  Teenagers are taught very little of the basics of faith today. More often than not, they are given the “Don’t do this and don’t do that lessons.” Young adults of today are smarter than we give them credit for. They really want the answers to the deep questions. Just like a good professor, if we demand something of them we can extract their best. Second, there is a lack of emphasis at home on the fundamentals of the faith. Gone are the days where families would sit around the dinner table and discuss the most important topics of life. According to a recent Gallup poll, families eat together 33% less than they did twenty years ago. Reasons cited varies from single parent homes to two parent careers. An involved parent, especially in the area of faith, is essential in a child’s development. Lastly, the huge amount of information available makes the latest trend the “hot thing” regardless of validity. Data on just about any line of thinking is available with a click from a phone or computer. Social media has made everyone an expert in just about every field regardless of credentials and schooling. Our culture has put every belief system on par with every other one suggesting there is no “correct” answer.

How do we prevent the type of panic this parent experienced?

It is important as a family to discuss faith at an early age and live it out in front of your family. The use of the Bible in the home and spiritual discussion is essential. Our role as parents is to instruct our kids in Biblical truth, so they may be able to articulate what they believe and why they believe it. This should include the fundamentals of our faith, the background of it, and the historical evidence for our belief.  The foremost thing to communicate to your child is that they are part of the discussion. Their contribution matters. This comes from constantly challenging them with counter arguments and making defense of their beliefs the prime directive. Allow them to challenge you with all sorts of inquiry about anything. There is never a foolish question. Give them the freedom to study other faiths as compared to Christianity. I never wanted my kids to just follow what Mom and Dad did. I wanted them to have the freedom to compare belief systems for themselves. In their research, they discovered the truth of Christianity, but it was a reality for them and not just their parents’ ideology. The search for Christ as Savior is a personal journey.

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[quote bar=”true” align=”center”]Our role as parents is to instruct our kids in Biblical truth, so they may be able to articulate what they believe and why they believe it.[/quote]

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What if I did all of this and they still walk away?

Don’t panic. God is big enough to be challenged or questioned. Young people tend to rebel at some point and in varying ways. It may be a phase. As parents, our kids need to know that they are loved no matter what.  Pray for wisdom and for the right words to say. Adults have the need to be right. Avoid that scenario at all costs. Further, let them know that you are open to the challenge and are eager to sit down to discuss any issue, any time. Offer to give them additional materials or review what they have been exposed to. Ask questions and then let them speak. Grownups can learn a lot from their child by just sitting back to listen. This may allow an opportunity to point out the real flaw in their argument. It is essential that kids know they must be able to articulate a belief system out in the world, and that you expect them to be able to articulate their lack of belief. Finally, let them know corporate worship is mandatory as a family. Their lack of belief is not an excuse to miss family time at church. Prayer, Scripture reading, and discussion will continue to be part of the family time, and they are expected to participate.

Every one of us strives to raise children in the grace and knowledge of the Lord. It is our job as parents to love and instruct them in the fundamentals of the faith, a faith that is not blind, but one based in evidence. No parent wants to get a phone call from their child saying those six dreaded words, “I don’t believe in God anymore.” As a parent hearing those words, resist the feeling that you are a failure. Parenting is a lot like being quarterback of a football team. When things go well, we get too much credit and when things aren’t so hot, too much blame. Remember, sometimes there are no quick and easy answers. Have patience in the process. Keep the lines of communication open. Ultimately, the real story of Christianity is that God seeks after all His lost sheep.

S. Montgomery